Tommi’s Burger Joint Review

Location: 30 Thayer Street, London W1U 2QP
Tel: 0207 224 3828
Cost of ‘signature’ burger and fries: £10.25

We’re pretty confident now that we know what constitutes a good burger.

The Burger Buddies and I have patronised most of the City of London’s most famous burger eateries and we have the knowledge and experience that such actions bring.

On top of this, we’ve all been lifelong burger fans and have seen the rise in status of the burger, from the early days of Wimpy, the (at the time) glorious invasion of McDonald’s, then Burger King. I recall when Wendy tried to sell her wares on these shores, but we Brits didn’t take to her square-pattied burger.

Hell, I even remember my mum buying me a hamburger from a food van and the guy pulled some weird reconstituted pork patty thing out of a vat of water and put that in a bun. It was literally a ham burger. It tasted as bad as it sounds.

We’ve come a long way since then. I have been to the US, the spiritual home of the burger, and tasted what they have to offer. They know how to make a good burger.

Fortunately, now so do we.

The Place

Tommi’s Burger Joint is like a burger place raised in the USA but who moved over to the UK on a student exchange program before deciding to stay here.

In the same way that Chuck Norris and Stephen Seagal studied martial arts in Asia (Korea and Japan respectively) to earn their hard-case stripes and used them to become movie badassess, there’s a sense that Tommi’s owners have an intimate knowledge of the American burger traditions and what it is that we Brits liked about them in the first place.

They’ve then taken that knowledge and mixed it with the currently fashionable DIY decor and serving style that we’ve seen in some of the other burger establishments that we’ve visited over these past few months (I’m looking at you MEATmarket, and to a lesser extent Patty & Bun and Five Guys).

None of these places offer table service. None of them give you plates.

It’s all handwritten signs and grab-your-own-drink-from-the-fridge type shenanigans.

The condiments are all laid out in a couple of areas where you go and get what you want, put it in little tubs, then take it with you.

This is the first burger place we’ve visited that’s supplied little KFC-style wet wipes

It was a busy Friday lunchtime when we got there. We wanted to get there for about 12 noon but a meeting I was in went on longer than expected. We arrived at 12.15 and people were queuing out of the door. Pro tip: It opens at 11.30am so if you don’t mind an early lunch, you’ll avoid some of the queues if you get there before the noon rush.

It’s quite small inside. There aren’t lots of tables, so we found ourselves surveying the meals of the people on them, trying to figure out who was going to leave first. It’s then a dash to claim a table.

I’m not a fan of this sort of thing. You’ve got to be on the ball and move straight in as soon as someone’s finished if you want to sit down to eat. At one point near the end of our meal there was some dude hovering near the end of our table, ready to pounce on it as soon as we left.

It just makes for an unrelaxing lunchtime. However, they do offer takeaway if you don’t want to run the table gauntlet.

Whilst I’m on the ambiance, what’s this?

This was overlooking our table and we did not like nor understand it. Similarly, the music was a random mix of rockabilly and late 90s hip hop classics. It seems that this place has a bit of an identity crisis: part of it wants to be authentic US burger joint and part of it wants to be a DIY hipster haven.

The Food

It took us about 10 minutes to get to the front of the queue, and once we got a seat (thanks to Alison prowling the tables whilst Jody placed her order at the till) it was a bit easier to relax, if a little crowded.

I ordered a cheeseburger with bacon and fries. When I asked the guy at the till what their signature burger was he said that it’s, ‘Whatever you want.’

I tried to get a house recommendation but he just said, ‘If you like cheese on it, get a cheeseburger. If you like bacon, get some bacon.’

Can’t really argue with that. So I ordered the aforementioned burger, seeing as all of the other burgers I’ve sampled on our journey to find London’s best burger have included cheese and bacon.

The food took a little longer than we might have hoped, probably about 15 minutes (which is a long time on a work lunch break), but it was really busy so it’s understandable. They only had two guys flipping the burgers, working their socks off.

Here’s what arrived…

Pretty unremarkable, but neat at least. I do have to question whether those wicker basket things are the most hygienic vessel in which to serve the burger and fries, but have to assume that they’re thoroughly cleaned on a regular basis. I’m not a clean freak or anything, but the thought did cross my mind. Punters’ ‘Tube hands’ will have been all over them…

The fries are lovely. Fresh, hot and crispy and pretty much identical to McDonald’s fries.

The main event.

It’s a tidy burger, with all the fillings nicely contained within the glossy brioche bun. The greaseproof paper wrapper is grease free. All is well.

I don’t normally lift the lid on the burgers, but I wanted to see what I was getting as standard seeing as I can’t add any toppings once I’ve ordered (the rules of the quest).

As you can see, the ketchup and mayo splodge is very localised, as is the red onion. This, again, is another nod to McDonald’s; how they sauce up their burgers and place a random surprise gherkin in there somewhere. The lettuce and tomato are welcome additions, but they’re pretty much just for show, you can’t really taste them once you get stuck in.

You may have spotted that on the condiment table pictured above there is a huge pot of gherkins to which I could help myself. As Alison reminded me (whilst piling her own burger high with them) I’m not allowed to add anything to my burger as it would be unfair.

After lamenting the fact that I was going to have to have a gherkin-free burgertime, I bit in.

This is a good burger. It felt a little light when I first picked it up,  but with the fries it’s a decent sized lunch. Also, it didn’t dribble out a load of liquid as soon as I picked it up, as has been the case at some other burger establishments.

The patty is thick, juicy and cooked to medium-rare perfection, with a square of nicely melted American-style cheese on top. The scant condiments do nothing to get in the way of the flavour of the beef and bacon, both of which are tasty and do exactly what they need to do. For me, the bacon could have been a little crispier, but it was still A-OK.

When you do get that condiment and onion mouthful it’s a welcome surprise that tastefully alters the overall flavour of the burger. This is a well considered, well executed burger.

The Wise Words of the Burger Buddies

It may not be totally clear from the quotes below, but Alison and Jody did both really enjoy their food. Jody’s wise words are a warning to you, our discerning readers, and not to Tommi’s Burger Joint. It was a hard learned lesson for her and she is sharing the knowledge:

Alison – Cheeseburger with bacon:

“They’re going to need a bigger boat.”

Jody – Cheeseburger with bacon:

“DO NOT put extra salt on the chips, it is not needed – Salt overdose!”

All in all we had some great food and Tommi’s comes recommended.

The Brief Overview

The food at Tommi’s is like an über McDonald’s. I say this in the best possible way. The fries are pretty much identical, and to be fair, hot, crispy fries fresh from the fryer (try saying that when drunk) from McDonald’s are very good. The Tommi burger is what a McD’s quarter pounder should be. It’s a burger that’s not pretending to be something it’s not. You don’t get stilton on your burger here, you get a Kraft Single. The dining experience could be better, and they would benefit from a bigger premises with more tables, but maybe these kinks will get ironed out in time if Tommi’s thrives and opens more branches. We’re rooting for them.

Next Week

We’re actually starting to run out of places that fit our acceptance criteria and are nearby… This quest might be drawing to a close in a couple of weeks and we’ll be moving on to the next foodstuff. Our next burger venue will just have to be a surprise for you all as we’re not sure ourselves yet.

Honest Burgers Review

Location: 4A Meard Street, London W1F 0EF
Tel: 020 3609 9524
Cost of ‘signature’ burger and fries: £9

Although we were all quite excited about sampling an Honest Burgers burger, due to unforeseen circumstances both of the founding Burger Buddies (Alison and Jody) could not make it.

The last time I was dumped I got drunk with some friends and listened to Pulp (His N Hers  specifically) really loudly. I found it delivered an effective catharsis, but was all a bit maudlin.

This time I gathered together some menfolk from the office and formed a splinter group.

Burger Bredrin

Consisting of James R (who you will remember from last week’s ‘3 drink refills’ episode at Five Guys), Paul (of MEATmarket review fame) and newcomer Matt (not me. We have this problem in the office all the time…) the Burger Bredrin felt like a capable unit with strong burger experience in the ranks, and we were going to keep this week’s date with Honest Burgers. Like gentlemen.

Our regular readers will recall that we came a cropper previously when trying to eat at Honest Burgers, as it was so busy that we couldn’t get a table (we ended up going to MEATmarket instead). It’s frustrating that they don’t allow customers to book tables, especially when there are more than two of you, so it’s something to keep in mind if you’re planning a group visit.

Having been burned once on a Friday lunchtime we weren’t going to make that mistake again, so this week’s burger event took place on a Thursday, and we made sure that we set off at 12pm sharp so that the four of us could get a seat. This time we had no problem, but by the time we had eaten and were ready to leave (about 1pm), the place was completely full.

It’s a frugally decorated place, but with a no fuss, straightforward aesthetic that is quirky in its sparsity.

All of us ordered a beer. Matt played safe with a Budvar but the rest of us had one of these guest beers, a Kona Big Wave.

It smelled like tropical juice and tasted like beer-flavoured tropical juice (which is nice). Quite pricey at £4.75, but we are in Soho…

Such is my curse, I must always order the ‘signature’ burger on offer and take it as it comes. The guy taking our order informed me that this would be the ‘Honest’ burger, served medium. He went on to say that the beef is of such high quality (it’s supplied by The Ginger Pig) that it can be served medium rare, and he finds that to be the tastiest option. James and Matt both followed the advice of this pied piper of beef, whilst Paul went off piste and got a ‘Cheese’ burger with stilton.

Have a look at the blackboard menu if you want to see what else they offer. There are few options.

So, the Honest burger is a single beef patty topped with smoked bacon, mature cheddar, lettuce and in place of gherkins there’s pickled cucumber. It’s also topped with a red onion relish, which adds a mild sweetness to the burger. Notably there’s no mustard, mayo or ketchup, but some Hellmann’s mayo and ketchup (in Heinz bottles with the labels taken off) are on the table.

Still, I have to remain disciplined and not augment the burger in any way.

Here’s what it looked like.

The burger itself is a triumph and picture perfect. The presentation here is charming with no fuss: wartime-style enamel crockery; the old school knife nestled into the food; the glossy (but not greasy) bun.

Like Byron Hamburgers, they present the burger on greaseproof paper. Here, though, it makes more sense as the burgers are more manageable and can easily be eaten by hand; you don’t need a knife and fork like many of Byron’s patrons did (thus resulting in a mess of mushy paper on their plates).

The burgers all come with a portion of rosemary salted skin-on fries on the side, and my food cost a very reasonable £9, which makes it the cheapest so far.

The fries are super crispy. Somewhere I read that they’re triple fried. Whatever sorcery they used, these are some superb fries, given a unique twist with the herby flavour of rosemary cutting through. If I’m being super picky, I would like the option to choose to just have regular salt on them. Maybe they offer this option… I get the feeling that they’d be happy to accommodate this request if I asked.

Anyway, I took a bite.

Picking up the burger the soft bun yielded perfectly, offering some resistance (all the better for holding in the juicy fillings) and a hint of crispiness from a light toasting. I instantly have faith that this bun will see the job through and not give me any containment issues. I was correct.

The whole thing has a good weight to it, though it’s not a huge belly busting burger. It’s of a more refined portion size, but the use of a single patty and the fact that it’s not jammed to breaking point with fillings mean that it’s easy, clean (in the sense that it’s not messy) eating.

As you can see, it’s not pink at all, but then nor were James and Matt’s, and they had ordered medium-rare. Perhaps the patty was cooked for a tad too long for ‘medium’, but for my liking, it was cooked to perfection. The beef was great quality, the cheese perfectly melted and the sliced pickled cucumbers tasted delicious in the mix. The onion chutney is a brave twist too, but combines very well with the rest of the flavours to give a unique edge to the Honest burger.

My one criticism is that the bacon could have been a little crispier, as I did end up with a couple of chewy mouthfuls. I’m splitting hairs there though, it was still fine.

The Wise Words of the Burger Bredrin

I think it’s quite obvious that I enjoyed this burger very much. So enough of my talk, here’s what the Burger Bredrin had to say when we’d finished:

James – Honest burger, medium-rare:

“Really good. I would try to eat another one if they put one in front of me. Probably wouldn’t fit it all in though.”

Paul – Cheesburger with stilton:

“Yeah I enjoyed it. It was a bit like a meaty cheeseboard.”

Matt (not me) – Honest burger, medium-rare:

“That was the best burger I’ve had in years. Does that make me sound like a burger newbie?”

Them’s some pretty good plaudits. If we’d have said that stuff in Five Guys and they’d heard us they’d have written it on their walls.

In Honest Burgers though, they don’t hear us; they’re too busy letting the food do the talking, and dishing up what could well prove to be London’s best burger.

The Brief Overview

You can’t book, so get there early to avoid disappointment. Once seated all disappointment should cease as the straightforward but stunningly executed, reasonably priced food is delivered to your table by friendly waiting staff in a timely fashion. Our experience at Honest Burgers was very good. They’re going to take some beating.

Next Week

We’re not going to be reviewing any more burgers for a couple of weeks due to holidays and other reasons that aren’t particularly interesting. We WILL be back though, and next on the list is Patty & Bun.

Join us on Facebook and Twitter to stay up-to-date with our meaty adventures.

Five Guys (London) Review

Location: 1 Long Acre, Covent Garden, London WC2E 9BD ‎
Tel: 020 7240 2057
Cost of ‘signature’ burger and fries: £10.75

My Burger Buddies and I had a half day at work on Friday, which meant that we would have the time to walk to, and then queue up for (and ultimately, devour) a much-hyped Five Guys burger.

A lot has been written about Five Guys since its 4th July opening day:

• It’s the fastest growing restaurant business in the US (with over 1,100 outlets).
• It has been brought to the UK, in part, by billionaire Carphone Warehouse boss Charles Dunstone.
• It’s reputed to be the home of Barack Obama’s favourite burger.
• It offers shitloads of different toppings at no extra cost.
• It’s constantly being compared to Shake Shack, which opened its first UK store a short walk away from Five Guys just a week later. Read my review of Shake Shack here.

This week the hardcore Burger Buddies (Alison, Jody and myself) were joined by James R. He gets an ‘R’ because he’s a different James to the one that accompanied us to Shake Shack. James has recently got married and earlier in the week returned from his honeymoon in Africa with food poisoning, so we felt it was important that we soothed his aching stomach with lashings and lashings of American-style grease.

3 weeks after opening and the queue to get a Five Guys meal on a Friday lunch time is still massive.

Somewhere in this queue are Burger Buddies Alison, Jody and James.

Mercifully, the queue moved fairly quickly, and when we got inside it was apparent that the flow of people into the restaurant was being very well managed by the staff working on the door and patrolling the queue. It took us about 30 minutes to work our way up the queue and get inside the restaurant, but once inside there’s no frenzied scramble to find the right queue or get the servers’ attention.

Inside Five Guys, fnar

Once inside, you’re invited to grab a tray of complimentary monkey nuts whilst you wait to be served.

The nuts of Five Guys, fnar (OK I will stop this now)

The decor is simple, with a bold red and white colour scheme and plain wooden tables. It’s notable that all over the walls are plaudits on the quality of the restaurant and the food, from various sources. The Five Guys brand is not shy about blowing its own trumpet.

Can the burgers live up to this self-propogated hype?

The Menu

The Five Guys standard burger is a double cheeseburger. It’s just called a ‘Cheeseburger’ on their menu though. If you want a single pattie then you have to ask for a ‘Little Cheeseburger’. You then get to select your specific combo of toppings, or opt to go ‘All the way’, which is as follows: mayo, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, ketchup, and mustard.

The other condiments/toppings that you can ask for are: relish, onions, jalapeno peppers, green peppers, HP sauce, BBQ sauce and hot sauce.

They also offer two varieties of fries: Regular and Cajun. We were due to get a portion of each so that we could share them and decide which was best, but due to a communication breakdown between Alison and myself we ended up both buying regular fries. We’re pro Burger Buddies so we shrugged it off and concentrated on the task in hand.

Which was this:

100+ drink choices. How many can you peruse before the people queuing behind you start tutting?

It’s a machine that mixes your fizzy drink before your very eyes. You select your ‘base’ drink (e.g. Sprite) from a rather unresponsive touchscreen, which then breaks out into loads more flavour options. I got a cherry Sprite. You can get free refills, so I went back later on to get a grape Fanta. I didn’t even know these flavours existed. The cherry Sprite was nice, pretty much just cherryade, but the grape Fanta was not to my liking. Still, there’s got to be a flavour in there that you’d get along with, and you could try them all if you so wished.

The Main Event

To get the food you’ve ordered you wait at a counter for the number on your receipt to be called out (much like In-N-Out Burger). When your time comes, you’ll be handed a plain brown paper bag with smatterings of grease on the side and a receipt stapled to it. Much like this one:

The burger’s wrapped in tin foil and the fries are in a small cup with some more fries chucked on top in the bag. I munched on some whilst I took this pic.

The skin-on fries are well cooked. Cooked in peanut oil (which is healthier, so they say – but take note, allergic types) they’re hot, fluffy and crispy. These are tasty fries, and so they should be; the restaurant takes pride in the potatoes it uses, with a chalkboard stating where the day’s potatoes have originated from (the Netherlands, in our case) and using sacks of raw potatoes stacked up inside the restaurant as part of the decor (you can see them behind the monkey nuts in the pic above).

I’d done some research beforehand and knew that the burger was going to look a bit squashed and sorry for itself. This burger has a traditional top and bottom bun as opposed to Shake Shack’s ‘wraparound’ affair.

With the ‘All the way’ toppings on, this is a big burger and difficult to handle. After a couple of bites I was able to wield it in one hand and take this pic.

This burger is firmly on the ‘too big to bite unless you dislocate your jaw’ side of the fence, if such a fence exists.

Cooked through rather than medium rare, the Five Guys burger is juicy not greasy, but made difficult to eat by its bulk and vast array of toppings. I found myself rearranging the bun to ensure adequate meat coverage, whilst trying in vain to prevent loss of toppings.

It’s messy eating, and I generally prefer a bit less hassle with my burger. The gooey American-style cheese helps to hold it all together though, and it is tasty. The mushrooms are a nice addition to the flavour smorgasbord. The gherkins are not too chunky and are in the sandwich (finally!). I’m enjoying it.

But wait… What’s this? Bacon? I didn’t order a bacon cheeseburger. Come to think of it, there’s no mustard on here either. How many guys does it take to get my order correct?

Some of you might be thinking ‘You got free bacon! How can this be a problem?!’

Well for me it’s not. I welcomed it. But then I’m not Jewish or Muslim, or someone who just doesn’t like bacon in their burger.

The Burger Buddies all enjoyed their burgers with no real stand-out criticisms. Everyone agreed that the presentation wasn’t great but hey, it’s the eating that counts! Alison was underwhelmed but enjoyed it still, James was happy with the food and took full advantage of the free drink refills (3 trips). Jody enjoyed hers too.

In the four weeks that we’ve been on this quest to find London’s Best Burger I haven’t once craved any of the burgers I have had. But Saturday night, whilst my pregnant wife’s sending me out to get her some Baskin Robbins ice-cream to satisfy her food cravings, I was slightly surprised to discover that I was thinking back fondly on that Five Guys burger.

The Brief Overview

Big queues (on a Friday lunchtime), no-frills presentation, they got my order wrong and the bun did a poor job of containing the fillings. Despite this, the burger was tasty and not too greasy, the fries were well executed and the 100+ flavours drinks machine was an interesting experience.

Being able to customise your order is a nice touch which means you could significantly change the taste of your burger depending on your mood. I’d go back for another taste, but my Burger Buddies wouldn’t hurry back.

Next week

We’re going to try to get a table in Honest Burgers again. This time we’re going on a Thursday in order to beat the system. Genius.

MEATmarket Review

Location: The Deck, Jubilee Market Hall, Tavistock Street, Covent Garden WC2E 8BE

Tel: 020 7240 4852

Cost of ‘signature’ burger and fries: £11

‘Why MEATmarket? You’re supposed to be reviewing Honest Burgers!’

If this blog had regular readers, that’s probably what they’d say.

Well, I would have to tell them that my Burger Buddies and I have become victims of our own success.

Three of us set out on this quest to find London’s best burger, but last Friday lunchtime our number had swollen to six, as myself and core Burger Buddies Alison and Jody were joined by guest Burger Buddies Jose, Satoko and Paul.

This meant that Honest Burgers couldn’t handle us and told us that it’d be a 45 minute wait for a table for 6. If it’d just have been the three of us then we’d have got in sooner. But all are welcome here in our Burger Cult (as some of our more health-conscious colleagues are calling us in-between mouthfuls of their cous cous salad and green tea supplements. At least I think they’re saying ‘cult’).

So, saddened by our Honest Burgers rejection, we schlepped on down to Five Guys, thinking that the fuss might have died down a bit by now and we might get served quite quickly. We were wrong. The queue was hideous. We’d have been there ages.

This was around the time that I felt the first stirrings of panic setting in. We were a fair trek away from the office, the sun was beating down on us, we were hungry, and these new guest Burger Buddies were going to be let down by their first Burger Cult experience. ‘No!’ I said to myself, ‘That can’t happen. Not today… Not on my watch.’

Alison knew what to do. Whilst I was considering a shameful visit to Pret and a miserable walk back to the office, she was formulating a plan. A plan that would see us all clasping cow sandwiches before the hour was up. That plan was MEATmarket.

The Place

Tucked away down a side street in Covent Garden and up a couple of flights of stairs lies the long, dark tube of a restaurant that is MEATmarket.

The decor is garish and intentionally shabby. The ample signage inside displays a crass humour, whilst other elements of the decor (such as the wall mounted main menu) are created with an intentionally slapdash aesthetic which harkens back to the humble burger van beginnings of this MEAT chain.

Here’s a bit of a potted history (and punctuation mind fuck) that I lifted from the Time Out website:

Meat Market is the latest fast food joint from Yianni Papoutsis, Burger God to the Twitterati. First he created Meatwagon, a roaming burger van of exceptional standards (which briefly took up residence in New Cross as Meateasy); then came Meat Liquor (in collaboration with Scott Collins), a popular West End grill-and-booze bar, and now there’s this: a burger and hot dog joint overlooking Covent Garden’s tacky Jubilee Market. (Full article – http://www.timeout.com/london/restaurants/meat-market)

It was really hot inside, and rammed with people as you can see from the pic above. It’s not a ‘sit down’ restaurant – You order at the counter and they call out your name when your food’s ready. We were lucky enough to find a table, so having placed our orders (FYI the staff were great – friendly and efficient) we sat down to wait. That’s when I noticed this on the table.

Like the burger van menu, it’s a throwback to another era in the MEAT brand’s history.

I suppose it’s quirky. It is different, and I am writing about it, so in a sense it’s clever because it gives reviewers something to write about. I guess it’s character, like this sign that they proudly display at the entrance.

I had to Google ‘shirtcocking’ to find out what it is.

And then they called my name…

The Food

I ordered the ‘Dead Hippie’, which is two beef patties, lettuce, cheese, pickles, minced white onion and ‘Dead Hippie’ sauce.

To simplify things, this is a Big Mac that’s been raised on steak and fried chicken. It has been forced by overzealous Eastern Bloc parents to train to be a power lifter in a dingy, damp cellar using makeshift weights, surrounded by dripping pipes. Every day, sweating away, its only respite from the training granted at bed and meal times, where huge protein-heavy portions of food are presented to the burger child whilst its grim-faced father looms over it, making sure that it eats every last bite.

‘No papa! Please, I cannot eat more meat!’, whimpers the grotesquely muscled burger boy. His father slams his fist on the table and moves to lean close to the young burger’s face as his mother instinctively cowers away. ‘You will grow strong and make country proud! You WILL eat!’, his vodka-stench spittle spattering on the young burger as he stabs a fat, nicotine stained finger at a huge, gristly, barely cooked slab of beef. Begrudgingly, the sobbing burger takes another bite, hate burning in his eyes as he holds his father’s gaze. ‘One day’, he thinks to himself, ‘One day…’

Despite it all, this burger boy is ugly, see.

It’s a bit wet on the bottom too. I really dislike a wet bun. I’m not trying any weak pun here, just stating fact. If the burger bun is wet on the bottom, or overly wet on top, somebody in the kitchen has failed in their task. You can just about see a moist sheen in the pic below. I don’t know if this is grease or burger juice, but it is not pleasing to me. It makes the outside of the burger bun a bit soggy and cold.

The fries are standard. Good though. Hot and crispy, but not really any better than fresh McDonalds fries.

It’s heavy. A substantial bit of food, and it holds together well when I pick it up. As is the current way, it seems, the burgers are served medium-rare unless you ask for them to be well done.

The ‘toppings’ are beneath the patties, which I’m fine with, but (and I’m being picky) the gherkins are too chunky. You can see how chunky in the pic below. The gherkin you can see there is about a centimetre thick. I also had the end bit of a gherkin in there, which was about 2cm thick, fell out of the burger and had to be munched latterly in two bites.

I know that worse things happen at sea and all, but a bit more uniformity and a reduction in the gherkin size would have made for a better built burger. Sod the grammar, I like the alliteration.

Still, at least they put the gherkins in there, unlike Shake Shack who simply leave them out as standard, or Byron who plonk a massive gherkin slab on the side.

It was slightly messy, juicy eating, and pretty tasty to be fair. I wasn’t a fan of the restaurant itself though – it was too hot, too dark and too crowded, and the quirky decor and tongue-in-cheek signs didn’t really float my boat either, but that’s just personal taste I suppose.

Some of the guest Burger Buddies seemed to enjoy the food, but nobody was saying it was the best burger they’d ever had. Jody thought it was a bit peppery, and she asked for no mustard but got mustard anyway. Jose thought the Dead Hippie sauce was a bit bland. Paul, Satoko and Alison liked their burgers, but that was as far as they went.

I thought it was alright, but I won’t be rushing back.

The Brief Overview

If you want a truly indulgent, slightly wet burger, you could do much worse. But, from what I’ve discovered on my quest so far, you could also do quite a bit better.

Next week…

We’ll be off to try the other recent US invader, Five Guys.

Shake Shack (London) Review

Location: 24 Market Building, The Piazza, Covent Garden WC2E 8RD

Tel: 020 3598 1360

Cost of ‘signature’ burger and fries: £10

We were very excited about Shake Shack.

I got into work and I could feel a meaty buzz shimmering in the air. I could almost smell it. I could feel it all the way down in my plums.

I could sense that Burger Buddies Alison and Jody were primed and ready for the Shake Shack experience. Well, so was I.

We’d all had a good night’s sleep and a modest breakfast, to best ensure that we were in the optimal physical condition to receive this taste sensation from across the ocean.

Most people with even a cursory interest in London’s burgeoning burger scene will be aware of Shake Shack, what it is and what the fuss is about. I won’t go into it here, as there are plenty of other articles online, such as this overview.

Briefly, Shake Shack is an ‘upmarket’ US burger fast-food restaurant that very recently opened its first ‘Shack’ in the UK, in Covent Garden. Joined by guest Burger Buddy James, that’s where we went.

What it’s Like When You Get There

A week after its 4^th July opening day and the Friday afternoon lunchtime queue was still a long and snaking affair. From joining it to enjoying our food took around 45 minutes. You get these buzzy things to alert you when to pick up your food after you’ve placed your order. It took about 7 minutes for ours to buzz, which is how long they told us at the counter.

Proper Buzzing

Luckily we all had a half day off work last Friday, so we weren’t in a rush, but the time it takes to order and receive your food is something to keep in mind if you plan on nipping over during your lunchbreak.

This will no doubt get better over the coming weeks, but right now, on a Friday lunchtime, fuggedaboutit.

You can get beer there; the ‘ShackMeister Ale’, brewed exclusively for Shake Shack, apparently. I had one, and it was good. Nothing amazing, and not worth £4.50, but good.

Anyway, the food. I got the double ShackBurger, as it is their flagship, signature burger. Look at my meal.

After eating all of this I went outside and watched a man squeeze his whole body through the hole in a tennis racquet. I was impressed and gave him £2.

The fries were very good. Super crispy, light and generously salted. Right up my street. Crinkle cut too, as you will have seen. There are little pots of ketchup and mustard that you can grab (near the serviettes and straws and things) to dip them into, or pour on your burger. They were not as hot as I’d have liked, but they were well cooked.

Alison got her burger before the rest of us, and whilst taking her first few bites looked to be in food heaven. This only served to heighten our excitement and we were pretty much jumping up and running to the serving area when our buzzers went off (we all ordered separately so each had our own buzzer). My buzzer went off 2nd and I dashed to collect my beef-based reward.

How to be Treated Like a Shake Shack VIP

Because I had bought a beer, a Shake Shack staff member had to carry my tray back to the table for me (this is company policy). I was happy about this because I knew that my Burger Buddies would be baffled as to why I was receiving this special service. They were, and I told my bemused Burger Buddies that the Shake Shack staff just saw me as someone important who required VIP treatment…

At least until James came back with his beer-laden tray, also carried by a Shake Shack staff member. My VIP ruse was busted so, having taken some photos for you, good reader, I picked up the burger.

Shake Shack’s signature grease delivery system.

Hmm. A bit squidgy. A bit greasy even. Well presented, as you can see, and ‘wrapped’ in a Martin’s Potato Roll, which I’ve heard are flown in from the States. I say ‘wrapped’ because the bun fitted around the fillings sort of like a clamp – the back of the bun was intact but the front was open. Kind of like the food had been stuffed into the bun rather than placed in-between two separate buns, as is the norm round these parts.

This squidgy bun did a very good job of holding the whole thing together though, and containing the juicy insides without crumbling and falling apart. I was impressed by this bun. By the time I got to the last few bites (feeling very full BTW) it was as though the bun and pattie had become as one, melding seamlessly one into the other to create an inseparable burgrous mass. Yes, ‘burgrous’ is a word. It is now a word.

The toppings, however, leave a lot to be desired; specifically onions and gherkins. None are on the burger by default and none were offered at the time of ordering. I don’t know if you can request them specially but be aware that Shake Shack has forsaken the gherkin and its onion sisters, much to my (and James’) chagrin. To be fair, as can be seen in the photos, the simplicity of the tomato and lettuce do make for an aesthetically pleasing burger. *UPDATE* Turns out that you can order gherkins and onions to be added to your burger. I wouldn’t have been able to have them anyway as, for this quest to find London’s best burger, I’ve devoted myself to taking the burgers ‘as they come’.

Guilt-Inducing Burgrous Food

This is a guilt burger. It tastes like I’m eating the massive amount of calories that I know I am. It is, as Jody remarked, the kind of burger that would sort out a nasty hangover. It’s somewhere inbetween a McDonald’s and a Byron, and I want a nice cup of tea to wash away the grease afterwards.

Instead, we all had a big spoonful of this.

This was probably the best bit of the meal.

This is a ‘Frozen Custard’. It was delicious. I would go back to Shake Shack to buy more of these, or the ‘Concretes’, which are basically these mixed with various other sweet things.

The Brief Overview

Overall, Shake Shack was a disappointment. After her initial joy, Alison became overwhelmed by the greasiness of the burger and changed her tune a little. We all felt that these burgers were on the wrong side of the ‘juicy’ border, and had strayed into the ‘greasy’ badlands. The chips/fries were good though.

It was by no means bad, just flawed. The burgers were too greasy, James’ burger was medium rare in parts when he’d asked for well done, and the waiting times were hideous (granted, these will improve with time).

Shake Shack’s worth a try, just don’t expect too much (like we did). And make sure to get some of the ‘Frozen Custard’.

Next week…

We’ll be visiting Honest Burgers, another hamburger big hitter whose reputation we’ll be putting to the test.

Byron Hamburgers Review

Location: 97-99 Wardour Street, W1F 0UD
Tel: 020 7297 9590
Cost of ‘signature’ burger and fries: £12.20

So, Byron Hamburgers. The same Byron Hamburgers chain from which George Osborne recently ate a take-away burger, resulting in a blasting from The Sun.

Really busy when we got there at around 12.45, but the person who met us at the door was very friendly and found us a decent seat. Looked like the clientelle were mostly nearby workers on their lunchbreak (like us).

Service was swift and our waiter was great, giving a detailed description of the ‘Byron Burger’ when I asked for their ‘signature’ burger.

It’s a classic recipe; featuring dry cure bacon, mature cheddar, lettuce, tomato, red onion and their own ‘Byron sauce’, which is a kind of tangy mayonnaise. They offer it medium-rare, medium or well-done. The recommendation was medium-rare so I went with that. Have a look.

A fine looking specimin I’m sure you’ll agree. Sturdily made too – Didn’t feel like it was all going to fall apart when I picked it up to take a bite.

I’d normally reach straight for the ketchup and bang some of that in, but I stayed disciplined. I’m taking these burgers the way they’re served.

I’m glad that I did. This self-control is paying off as the different flavours really cut through. The patty was firm and juicy and cooked to perfection (probably more ‘medium’ than ‘medium-rare’ but great all the same).

The bacon flavour complemented the rest of the ingredients (as bacon has a knack of doing), and coupled with the fresh salad, gave the burger something of an opulent BLT vibe at times.

What’s going on with that gherkin?

As you can see in the pic, the gherkin is served on the side. I can only imagine that this is to cater for the gherkin haters out there. I used to be one myself, but I saw the light. I had to chop this chunky mother up and put it in the burger, which was slightly frustrating. Couldn’t they just offer to leave the gherkin out? Are you supposed to bite a bit of burger then bite some gherkin?

I wanted to bite into the burger and I’m chopping gherkins. Unless I’m doing something wrong here, this seems a little discriminatory towards gherkin lovers.

The fries were fresh, hot and crispy – well separated and not clumped together at all. They tasted good, which is all that really matters. Heinz ketchup’s on the table too, if that’s what you’re into.

Also, why did they put the burger on what looks like greaseproof paper? It’s already on a plate.

Burger Buddy Jody got the vegetarian option and the paper basically disintigrated beneath her burger as she was trying to eat it with a knife and fork (as I saw some other patrons doing). The paper became mushy and ended up looking like something that you wouldn’t want on your plate… Still, of the 5 veggie burgers that Jody’s had in her lifetime, she said that the Byron Hamburgers version was the best she’d ever had (despite the mushy paper).

Burger Buddy Alison plumped for the ‘Big B’, which is a double cheeseburger in a ‘potato bun’. It was massive and looked great, see.

Big Bugger

She couldn’t really taste anything particularly ‘potatoey’ about the bun, but she thought it was nice.

Overall, Byron Hamburgers was an excellent start to this food journey, and a solid benchmark for next week when we’ll be bravely heading into Covent Garden to sample the wares of the newly-opened US import – Shake Shack. Apparently the queues were half an hour long there last Friday (it was opening day) so we’re hoping that demand will be a reflection of tastiness.

From l-r: Big B special promo card, suggestions card, promo playing card (apparently each restaurant has its own playing card)

Next week…

Will Shake Shack live up to the hype? I’m sure the suspense is killing you so check back next week to find out.