Five Guys (London) Review
Location: 1 Long Acre, Covent Garden, London WC2E 9BD
Tel: 020 7240 2057
Cost of ‘signature’ burger and fries: £10.75
My Burger Buddies and I had a half day at work on Friday, which meant that we would have the time to walk to, and then queue up for (and ultimately, devour) a much-hyped Five Guys burger.
A lot has been written about Five Guys since its 4th July opening day:
- It’s the fastest growing restaurant business in the US (with over 1,100 outlets).
- It has been brought to the UK, in part, by billionaire Carphone Warehouse boss Charles Dunstone.
- It’s reputed to be the home of Barack Obama’s favourite burger.
- It offers shitloads of different toppings at no extra cost.
- It’s constantly being compared to Shake Shack, which opened its first UK store a short walk away from Five Guys just a week later. Read my review of Shake Shack here.
This week the hardcore Burger Buddies (Alison, Jody and myself) were joined by James R. He gets an ‘R’ because he’s a different James to the one that accompanied us to Shake Shack. James has recently got married and earlier in the week returned from his honeymoon in Africa with food poisoning, so we felt it was important that we soothed his aching stomach with lashings and lashings of American-style grease.
3 weeks after opening and the queue to get a Five Guys meal on a Friday lunch time is still massive.
Somewhere in this queue are Burger Buddies Alison, Jody and James.
Mercifully, the queue moved fairly quickly, and when we got inside it was apparent that the flow of people into the restaurant was being very well managed by the staff working on the door and patrolling the queue. It took us about 30 minutes to work our way up the queue and get inside the restaurant, but once inside there’s no frenzied scramble to find the right queue or get the servers’ attention.
Inside Five Guys, fnar
Once inside, you’re invited to grab a tray of complimentary monkey nuts whilst you wait to be served.
The nuts of Five Guys, fnar (OK I will stop this now)
The decor is simple, with a bold red and white colour scheme and plain wooden tables. It’s notable that all over the walls are plaudits on the quality of the restaurant and the food, from various sources. The Five Guys brand is not shy about blowing its own trumpet.
Can the burgers live up to this self-propogated hype?
The Menu
The Five Guys standard burger is a double cheeseburger. It’s just called a ‘Cheeseburger’ on their menu though. If you want a single pattie then you have to ask for a ‘Little Cheeseburger’. You then get to select your specific combo of toppings, or opt to go ‘All the way’, which is as follows: mayo, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, ketchup, and mustard.
The other condiments/toppings that you can ask for are: relish, onions, jalapeno peppers, green peppers, HP sauce, BBQ sauce and hot sauce.
They also offer two varieties of fries: Regular and Cajun. We were due to get a portion of each so that we could share them and decide which was best, but due to a communication breakdown between Alison and myself we ended up both buying regular fries. We’re pro Burger Buddies so we shrugged it off and concentrated on the task in hand.
Which was this:
100+ drink choices. How many can you peruse before the people queuing behind you start tutting?
It’s a machine that mixes your fizzy drink before your very eyes. You select your ‘base’ drink (e.g. Sprite) from a rather unresponsive touchscreen, which then breaks out into loads more flavour options. I got a cherry Sprite. You can get free refills, so I went back later on to get a grape Fanta. I didn’t even know these flavours existed. The cherry Sprite was nice, pretty much just cherryade, but the grape Fanta was not to my liking. Still, there’s got to be a flavour in there that you’d get along with, and you could try them all if you so wished.
The Main Event
To get the food you’ve ordered you wait at a counter for the number on your receipt to be called out (much like In-N-Out Burger). When your time comes, you’ll be handed a plain brown paper bag with smatterings of grease on the side and a receipt stapled to it. Much like this one:
The burger’s wrapped in tin foil and the fries are in a small cup with some more fries chucked on top in the bag. I munched on some whilst I took this pic.
The skin-on fries are well cooked. Cooked in peanut oil (which is healthier, so they say – but take note, allergic types) they’re hot, fluffy and crispy. These are tasty fries, and so they should be; the restaurant takes pride in the potatoes it uses, with a chalkboard stating where the day’s potatoes have originated from (the Netherlands, in our case) and using sacks of raw potatoes stacked up inside the restaurant as part of the decor (you can see them behind the monkey nuts in the pic above).
I’d done some research beforehand and knew that the burger was going to look a bit squashed and sorry for itself. This burger has a traditional top and bottom bun as opposed to Shake Shack’s ‘wraparound’ affair.
With the ‘All the way’ toppings on, this is a big burger and difficult to handle. After a couple of bites I was able to wield it in one hand and take this pic.
This burger is firmly on the ‘too big to bite unless you dislocate your jaw’ side of the fence, if such a fence exists.
Cooked through rather than medium rare, the Five Guys burger is juicy not greasy, but made difficult to eat by its bulk and vast array of toppings. I found myself rearranging the bun to ensure adequate meat coverage, whilst trying in vain to prevent loss of toppings.
It’s messy eating, and I generally prefer a bit less hassle with my burger. The gooey American-style cheese helps to hold it all together though, and it is tasty. The mushrooms are a nice addition to the flavour smorgasbord. The gherkins are not too chunky and are in the sandwich (finally!). I’m enjoying it.
But wait… What’s this? Bacon? I didn’t order a bacon cheeseburger. Come to think of it, there’s no mustard on here either. How many guys does it take to get my order correct?
Some of you might be thinking ‘You got free bacon! How can this be a problem?!’
Well for me it’s not. I welcomed it. But then I’m not Jewish or Muslim, or someone who just doesn’t like bacon in their burger.
The Burger Buddies all enjoyed their burgers with no real stand-out criticisms. Everyone agreed that the presentation wasn’t great but hey, it’s the eating that counts! Alison was underwhelmed but enjoyed it still, James was happy with the food and took full advantage of the free drink refills (3 trips). Jody enjoyed hers too.
In the four weeks that we’ve been on this quest to find London’s Best Burger I haven’t once craved any of the burgers I have had. But Saturday night, whilst my pregnant wife’s sending me out to get her some Baskin Robbins ice-cream to satisfy her food cravings, I was slightly surprised to discover that I was thinking back fondly on that Five Guys burger.
The Brief Overview
Big queues (on a Friday lunchtime), no-frills presentation, they got my order wrong and the bun did a poor job of containing the fillings. Despite this, the burger was tasty and not too greasy, the fries were well executed and the 100+ flavours drinks machine was an interesting experience.
Being able to customise your order is a nice touch which means you could significantly change the taste of your burger depending on your mood. I’d go back for another taste, but my Burger Buddies wouldn’t hurry back.
Next week
We’re going to try to get a table in Honest Burgers again. This time we’re going on a Thursday in order to beat the system. Genius.
MEATmarket Review
Location: The Deck, Jubilee Market Hall, Tavistock Street, Covent Garden WC2E 8BE
Tel: 020 7240 4852
Cost of ‘signature’ burger and fries: £11
‘Why MEATmarket? You’re supposed to be reviewing Honest Burgers!’
If this blog had regular readers, that’s probably what they’d say.
Well, I would have to tell them that my Burger Buddies and I have become victims of our own success.
Three of us set out on this quest to find London’s best burger, but last Friday lunchtime our number had swollen to six, as myself and core Burger Buddies Alison and Jody were joined by guest Burger Buddies Jose, Satoko and Paul.
This meant that Honest Burgers couldn’t handle us and told us that it’d be a 45 minute wait for a table for 6. If it’d just have been the three of us then we’d have got in sooner. But all are welcome here in our Burger Cult (as some of our more health-conscious colleagues are calling us in-between mouthfuls of their cous cous salad and green tea supplements. At least I think they’re saying ‘cult’).
So, saddened by our Honest Burgers rejection, we schlepped on down to Five Guys, thinking that the fuss might have died down a bit by now and we might get served quite quickly. We were wrong. The queue was hideous. We’d have been there ages.
This was around the time that I felt the first stirrings of panic setting in. We were a fair trek away from the office, the sun was beating down on us, we were hungry, and these new guest Burger Buddies were going to be let down by their first Burger Cult experience. ‘No!’ I said to myself, ‘That can’t happen. Not today… Not on my watch.’
Alison knew what to do. Whilst I was considering a shameful visit to Pret and a miserable walk back to the office, she was formulating a plan. A plan that would see us all clasping cow sandwiches before the hour was up. That plan was MEATmarket.
The Place
Tucked away down a side street in Covent Garden and up a couple of flights of stairs lies the long, dark tube of a restaurant that is MEATmarket.
The decor is garish and intentionally shabby. The ample signage inside displays a crass humour, whilst other elements of the decor (such as the wall mounted main menu) are created with an intentionally slapdash aesthetic which harkens back to the humble burger van beginnings of this MEAT chain.
Here’s a bit of a potted history (and punctuation mind fuck) that I lifted from the Time Out website:
Meat Market is the latest fast food joint from Yianni Papoutsis, Burger God to the Twitterati. First he created Meatwagon, a roaming burger van of exceptional standards (which briefly took up residence in New Cross as Meateasy); then came Meat Liquor (in collaboration with Scott Collins), a popular West End grill-and-booze bar, and now there’s this: a burger and hot dog joint overlooking Covent Garden’s tacky Jubilee Market. (Full article – http://www.timeout.com/london/restaurants/meat-market)
It was really hot inside, and rammed with people as you can see from the pic above. It’s not a ‘sit down’ restaurant – You order at the counter and they call out your name when your food’s ready. We were lucky enough to find a table, so having placed our orders (FYI the staff were great – friendly and efficient) we sat down to wait. That’s when I noticed this on the table.
Like the burger van menu, it’s a throwback to another era in the MEAT brand’s history.
I suppose it’s quirky. It is different, and I am writing about it, so in a sense it’s clever because it gives reviewers something to write about. I guess it’s character, like this sign that they proudly display at the entrance.
I had to Google ‘shirtcocking’ to find out what it is.
And then they called my name…
The Food
I ordered the ‘Dead Hippie’, which is two beef patties, lettuce, cheese, pickles, minced white onion and ‘Dead Hippie’ sauce.
To simplify things, this is a Big Mac that’s been raised on steak and fried chicken. It has been forced by overzealous Eastern Bloc parents to train to be a power lifter in a dingy, damp cellar using makeshift weights, surrounded by dripping pipes. Every day, sweating away, its only respite from the training granted at bed and meal times, where huge protein-heavy portions of food are presented to the burger child whilst its grim-faced father looms over it, making sure that it eats every last bite.
‘No papa! Please, I cannot eat more meat!’, whimpers the grotesquely muscled burger boy. His father slams his fist on the table and moves to lean close to the young burger’s face as his mother instinctively cowers away. ‘You will grow strong and make country proud! You WILL eat!’, his vodka-stench spittle spattering on the young burger as he stabs a fat, nicotine stained finger at a huge, gristly, barely cooked slab of beef. Begrudgingly, the sobbing burger takes another bite, hate burning in his eyes as he holds his father’s gaze. ‘One day’, he thinks to himself, ‘One day…’
Despite it all, this burger boy is ugly, see.
It’s a bit wet on the bottom too. I really dislike a wet bun. I’m not trying any weak pun here, just stating fact. If the burger bun is wet on the bottom, or overly wet on top, somebody in the kitchen has failed in their task. You can just about see a moist sheen in the pic below. I don’t know if this is grease or burger juice, but it is not pleasing to me. It makes the outside of the burger bun a bit soggy and cold.
The fries are standard. Good though. Hot and crispy, but not really any better than fresh McDonalds fries.
It’s heavy. A substantial bit of food, and it holds together well when I pick it up. As is the current way, it seems, the burgers are served medium-rare unless you ask for them to be well done.
The ‘toppings’ are beneath the patties, which I’m fine with, but (and I’m being picky) the gherkins are too chunky. You can see how chunky in the pic below. The gherkin you can see there is about a centimetre thick. I also had the end bit of a gherkin in there, which was about 2cm thick, fell out of the burger and had to be munched latterly in two bites.
I know that worse things happen at sea and all, but a bit more uniformity and a reduction in the gherkin size would have made for a better built burger. Sod the grammar, I like the alliteration.
Still, at least they put the gherkins in there, unlike Shake Shack who simply leave them out as standard, or Byron who plonk a massive gherkin slab on the side.
It was slightly messy, juicy eating, and pretty tasty to be fair. I wasn’t a fan of the restaurant itself though – it was too hot, too dark and too crowded, and the quirky decor and tongue-in-cheek signs didn’t really float my boat either, but that’s just personal taste I suppose.
Some of the guest Burger Buddies seemed to enjoy the food, but nobody was saying it was the best burger they’d ever had. Jody thought it was a bit peppery, and she asked for no mustard but got mustard anyway. Jose thought the Dead Hippie sauce was a bit bland. Paul, Satoko and Alison liked their burgers, but that was as far as they went.
I thought it was alright, but I won’t be rushing back.
The Brief Overview
If you want a truly indulgent, slightly wet burger, you could do much worse. But, from what I’ve discovered on my quest so far, you could also do quite a bit better.
Next week…
We’ll be off to try the other recent US invader, Five Guys.
Shake Shack (London) Review
Location: 24 Market Building, The Piazza, Covent Garden WC2E 8RD
Tel: 020 3598 1360
Cost of ‘signature’ burger and fries: £10
We were very excited about Shake Shack.
I got into work and I could feel a meaty buzz shimmering in the air. I could almost smell it. I could feel it all the way down in my plums.
I could sense that Burger Buddies Alison and Jody were primed and ready for the Shake Shack experience. Well, so was I.
We’d all had a good night’s sleep and a modest breakfast, to best ensure that we were in the optimal physical condition to receive this taste sensation from across the ocean.
Most people with even a cursory interest in London’s burgeoning burger scene will be aware of Shake Shack, what it is and what the fuss is about. I won’t go into it here, as there are plenty of other articles online, such as this overview.
Briefly, Shake Shack is an ‘upmarket’ US burger fast-food restaurant that very recently opened its first ‘Shack’ in the UK, in Covent Garden. Joined by guest Burger Buddy James, that’s where we went.
What it’s Like When You Get There
A week after its 4th July opening day and the Friday afternoon lunchtime queue was still a long and snaking affair. From joining it to enjoying our food took around 45 minutes. You get these buzzy things to alert you when to pick up your food after you’ve placed your order. It took about 7 minutes for ours to buzz, which is how long they told us at the counter.
Proper Buzzing
Luckily we all had a half day off work last Friday, so we weren’t in a rush, but the time it takes to order and receive your food is something to keep in mind if you plan on nipping over during your lunchbreak.
This will no doubt get better over the coming weeks, but right now, on a Friday lunchtime, fuggedaboutit.
You can get beer there; the ‘ShackMeister Ale’, brewed exclusively for Shake Shack, apparently. I had one, and it was good. Nothing amazing, and not worth £4.50, but good.
Anyway, the food. I got the double ShackBurger, as it is their flagship, signature burger. Look at my meal.
After eating all of this I went outside and watched a man squeeze his whole body through the hole in a tennis racquet. I was impressed and gave him £2.
The fries were very good. Super crispy, light and generously salted. Right up my street. Crinkle cut too, as you will have seen. There are little pots of ketchup and mustard that you can grab (near the serviettes and straws and things) to dip them into, or pour on your burger. They were not as hot as I’d have liked, but they were well cooked.
Alison got her burger before the rest of us, and whilst taking her first few bites looked to be in food heaven. This only served to heighten our excitement and we were pretty much jumping up and running to the serving area when our buzzers went off (we all ordered separately so each had our own buzzer). My buzzer went off 2nd and I dashed to collect my beef-based reward.
How to be Treated Like a Shake Shack VIP
Because I had bought a beer, a Shake Shack staff member had to carry my tray back to the table for me (this is company policy). I was happy about this because I knew that my Burger Buddies would be baffled as to why I was receiving this special service. They were, and I told my bemused Burger Buddies that the Shake Shack staff just saw me as someone important who required VIP treatment…
At least until James came back with his beer-laden tray, also carried by a Shake Shack staff member. My VIP ruse was busted so, having taken some photos for you, good reader, I picked up the burger.
Shake Shack’s signature grease delivery system.
Hmm. A bit squidgy. A bit greasy even. Well presented, as you can see, and ‘wrapped’ in a Martin’s Potato Roll, which I’ve heard are flown in from the States. I say ‘wrapped’ because the bun fitted around the fillings sort of like a clamp – the back of the bun was intact but the front was open. Kind of like the food had been stuffed into the bun rather than placed in-between two separate buns, as is the norm round these parts.
This squidgy bun did a very good job of holding the whole thing together though, and containing the juicy insides without crumbling and falling apart. I was impressed by this bun. By the time I got to the last few bites (feeling very full BTW) it was as though the bun and pattie had become as one, melding seamlessly one into the other to create an inseparable burgrous mass. Yes, ‘burgrous’ is a word. It is now a word.
The toppings, however, leave a lot to be desired; specifically onions and gherkins. None are on the burger by default and none were offered at the time of ordering. I don’t know if you can request them specially but be aware that Shake Shack has forsaken the gherkin and its onion sisters, much to my (and James’) chagrin. To be fair, as can be seen in the photos, the simplicity of the tomato and lettuce do make for an aesthetically pleasing burger. *UPDATE* Turns out that you can order gherkins and onions to be added to your burger. I wouldn’t have been able to have them anyway as, for this quest to find London’s best burger, I’ve devoted myself to taking the burgers ‘as they come’.
Guilt-Inducing Burgrous Food
This is a guilt burger. It tastes like I’m eating the massive amount of calories that I know I am. It is, as Jody remarked, the kind of burger that would sort out a nasty hangover. It’s somewhere inbetween a McDonald’s and a Byron, and I want a nice cup of tea to wash away the grease afterwards.
Instead, we all had a big spoonful of this.
This was probably the best bit of the meal.
This is a ‘Frozen Custard’. It was delicious. I would go back to Shake Shack to buy more of these, or the ‘Concretes’, which are basically these mixed with various other sweet things.
The Brief Overview
Overall, Shake Shack was a disappointment. After her initial joy, Alison became overwhelmed by the greasiness of the burger and changed her tune a little. We all felt that these burgers were on the wrong side of the ‘juicy’ border, and had strayed into the ‘greasy’ badlands. The chips/fries were good though.
It was by no means bad, just flawed. The burgers were too greasy, James’ burger was medium rare in parts when he’d asked for well done, and the waiting times were hideous (granted, these will improve with time).
Shake Shack’s worth a try, just don’t expect too much (like we did). And make sure to get some of the ‘Frozen Custard’.
Next week…
We’ll be visiting Honest Burgers, another hamburger big hitter whose reputation we’ll be putting to the test.
Byron Hamburgers Review
Location: 97-99 Wardour Street, W1F 0UD
Tel: 020 7297 9590
Cost of ‘signature’ burger and fries: £12.20
So, Byron Hamburgers. The same Byron Hamburgers chain from which George Osborne recently ate a take-away burger, resulting in a blasting from The Sun.
Really busy when we got there at around 12.45, but the person who met us at the door was very friendly and found us a decent seat. Looked like the clientelle were mostly nearby workers on their lunchbreak (like us).
Service was swift and our waiter was great, giving a detailed description of the ‘Byron Burger’ when I asked for their ‘signature’ burger.
It’s a classic recipe; featuring dry cure bacon, mature cheddar, lettuce, tomato, red onion and their own ‘Byron sauce’, which is a kind of tangy mayonnaise. They offer it medium-rare, medium or well-done. The recommendation was medium-rare so I went with that. Have a look.
A fine looking specimin I’m sure you’ll agree. Sturdily made too – Didn’t feel like it was all going to fall apart when I picked it up to take a bite.
I’d normally reach straight for the ketchup and bang some of that in, but I stayed disciplined. I’m taking these burgers the way they’re served.
I’m glad that I did. This self-control is paying off as the different flavours really cut through. The patty was firm and juicy and cooked to perfection (probably more ‘medium’ than ‘medium-rare’ but great all the same).
The bacon flavour complemented the rest of the ingredients (as bacon has a knack of doing), and coupled with the fresh salad, gave the burger something of an opulent BLT vibe at times.
What’s going on with that gherkin?
As you can see in the pic, the gherkin is served on the side. I can only imagine that this is to cater for the gherkin haters out there. I used to be one myself, but I saw the light. I had to chop this chunky mother up and put it in the burger, which was slightly frustrating. Couldn’t they just offer to leave the gherkin out? Are you supposed to bite a bit of burger then bite some gherkin?
I wanted to bite into the burger and I’m chopping gherkins. Unless I’m doing something wrong here, this seems a little discriminatory towards gherkin lovers.
The fries were fresh, hot and crispy – well separated and not clumped together at all. They tasted good, which is all that really matters. Heinz ketchup’s on the table too, if that’s what you’re into.
Also, why did they put the burger on what looks like greaseproof paper? It’s already on a plate.
Burger Buddy Jody got the vegetarian option and the paper basically disintigrated beneath her burger as she was trying to eat it with a knife and fork (as I saw some other patrons doing). The paper became mushy and ended up looking like something that you wouldn’t want on your plate… Still, of the 5 veggie burgers that Jody’s had in her lifetime, she said that the Byron Hamburgers version was the best she’d ever had (despite the mushy paper).
Burger Buddy Alison plumped for the ‘Big B’, which is a double cheeseburger in a ‘potato bun’. It was massive and looked great, see.
Big Bugger
She couldn’t really taste anything particularly ‘potatoey’ about the bun, but she thought it was nice.
Overall, Byron Hamburgers was an excellent start to this food journey, and a solid benchmark for next week when we’ll be bravely heading into Covent Garden to sample the wares of the newly-opened US import – Shake Shack. Apparently the queues were half an hour long there last Friday (it was opening day) so we’re hoping that demand will be a reflection of tastiness.
From l-r: Big B special promo card, suggestions card, promo playing card (apparently each restaurant has its own playing card)
Next week…
Will Shake Shack live up to the hype? I’m sure the suspense is killing you so check back next week to find out.
What is this Blog About?
On a recent trip to San Francisco I tried an ‘In-N-Out‘ burger after almost everyone I met out there (and a couple of people from back in the UK) told me that I HAD to try one. Also, Reddit seems to love the shit out of them.
They’re good. Better than McD’s and Burger King, but I’ve had a better burger I’m sure… maybe not in a fast food place, but better burgers overall.
Anyway, it got me thinking – What’s London’s best burger? I’ve recently started a new job in Soho so felt that I’m well placed to do some food tourism and find out.
So, with the help of my Burger Buddies® (Alison and Jody, and anyone else who fancies it), each Friday I’ll be trying out a new London burger place and posting the verdict on here. The general rule is that I’ll be asking for the place’s ‘signature’ burger, and will take it as it comes. Fries will also be tasted and judged. Alison and Jody, and any guest Burger Buddies, will order whatever takes their fancy. I’m not going to ‘score’ the places at first as I need some points of reference, so I will likely revisit the reviews and score them in a few weeks. Then, when it’s all over, I’ll be able to compile a run-down of the Best Food in London’s best burgers.
These London burger bars will be judged on the atmosphere, decor and quality of service, but mostly just the quality of the food. I want to find the best tasting London burger. Price won’t really be factored in (although it will be noted) – it can be fast food or gourmet, but if it’s called a burger then it gets judged with the rest of them.
One of the rules is that the place has to sell burgers as a speciality – the plan is not to try burgers in various pubs and restaurants that might happen to sell them, just places that advertise that they’re a player in the burger league.
Once I’ve exhausted the burger options I’ll be moving on to another foodstuff, but that’ll have to wait – In 10 minutes I’m heading to Byron Hamburgers on Wardour Street to sample their wares.
Will it be London’s best burger? I’m hungry for the answer (sorry).
Best Food in London 
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